Just edited all this.  Made everything private.  I’m starting a new chapter in my life, and I’m starting fresh everywhere.

So, after sending that last e-mail about the free snuggie (Which I haven’t received a reply to yet), I decided that I enjoy e-mailing very much.  E-mail is a great communication tool, and I plan to use it quite a bit from now on!

Last night, I was at Target with a few people and at one point, I saw a “Monkey Peeler”:

AnimalHouse Monkey Peeler by Boston Warehouse

Now, before I go any further, I’d like to note that I’ve read quite a few reviews on Amazon.com and apparently this is a very good product.  A bit quirky, in the way that it’s a kitchen tool that’s shaped like a monkey, but according to reviews, very functional.  A lot of reviews go as far as saying it’s the best peeler they’ve ever used!  So, if you’re in need of a peeler, you can pick this up for $7.99 from Boston Warehouse, or if you need the instant gratification, go to Target.  I think it’s about $0.15 more there.  Give or take.

Anyway, the first thing I thought about the peeler was pretty humorous.. “Why would you need to peel a monkey?”, and if you did need to peel a monkey, would this really be such a great tool for the job?  Seems like it’s a bit to small to tackle the task.  I decided to inconspicuously find out what the company (Boston Warehouse) thinks of this.  So, I sent them this E-mail:

Hello Boston Warehouse!

My name is Justin Mancini and I’ve recently purchased your “Monkey Peeler” from a target retail store.  I liked that the monkey was orange because I’ve never seen an orange monkey.  Any monkey I’ve ever seen has been somewhere between a light shade of brown or a dark shade.  I like that the monkey peeler has an orange monkey because it means he’s got a fashion sense, what with dying his fur orange and all.  He wants to stand out, and I admire that.

So I bought this monkey peeler, and brought it home to get started with my new monkey peeler.  I pulled it out of my bag from Target, which also contained some martini glasses (4 for $9.99!  Target is great!), and umbrella toothpicks because I wanted to celebrate my new monkey peeler with some of my friends.  They also liked the fashion sense of the monkey peeler monkey.  They had never seen an orange monkey either, so they gave the monkey peeler monkey props as well.

Anyway, we had a few cocktails while admiring the monkey peeler, and we decided it was finally time to use the monkey peeler.  We get ready to begin peeling and we thought out loud “Wow!  This is going to take a while.  The monkey peeler monkey’s peeler is not very wide!  This would be a lot easier if the monkey peeler had a monkey with arms spread wider, allowing for a wider blade!”  (You can take that and put it in the suggestion box if youd’ like.  If you do decide to create a wider monkey peeler feel free to send me one, as it was my idea).

We decide, we still need to start peeling and this is THE tool for the job.  So we get started, and honestly we did not get great results from the monkey peeler.  It was pretty difficult to peel with, and like I said the narrow cutting edge (I can give you my address that you can send my free wide monkey peeler to if you’d like.  Just ask!) just wasn’t enough.  About 45 minutes into peeling, we decided we HAD to be doing something wrong as we were just not getting the great results we’d read about at the amazon.com online store reviews page!  So, I’m asking the experts here.. Is any preparation needed?  Obviously we used sedatives, but do we need to maybe boil our monkey first?  That’s what they do when they’re going to pluck chicken’s feathers off right  (I figured you guys would know, as I see you also sell a bird peeler)?  Does the same apply to monkey peeling?

Looking forward to your response!
Justin Mancini

PS – I see that you sell a very cute penguin dip bowl!  Penguins are my favorite animal so I very much like this, I just have one question about it.. How does penguin dip taste, and how easy is it to obtain penguins to make the dip with?  I’ve been trying to get a penguin for a while.  I once paid a retarded kid to try to steal one for me from a local aquarium while on a school field trip.  He jumped into the penguin area and put a penguin in his backpack.  He got it on to the bus before the supervisors found out!  He was pretty pissed off when I made him give me my dollar back, especially after getting suspended from school.  I’m a business man though, and he didn’t deliver!

I’m very anxious for a response to this one..

So, quite some time ago, I came across a link (http://suzzly.com/snuggiepromo.html) for a free Snuggie.  I thought hell, I will definitely, take a free Snuggie, use it, and fill out a short questionnaire!  So I filled out the order form, and proceeded to post the link on my facebook for my friends to use to order free Snuggies.  When we got them, maybe we’d have a free Snuggie party.

Well, maybe not.  But I’m sure I’d get quite a few joyous text messages such as “Dude!  I got my free Snuggie today.  I’m totally going to use my free Snuggie for ___________!  I can’t wait!  BEST DAY EVER.”, or something like that.

The problem is, it’s been quiiiiite some time since I posted the free Snuggie link, and no one has received their free Snuggie yet.  This is inconvenient for me, as I’d like to be using my free Snuggie for lounging around the house, instead of using a robe.  When sitting down while wearing a robe, you sometimes have limited arm movement, and this is what the free Snuggie will solve for me.  I would like to have my free Snuggie for sitting on the couch downstairs taking pictures of my niece and nephew while they’re opening Christmas gifts.  With a free Snuggie, this would be made a lot easier.

I’ve decided to contact the company that I placed the order with, and here’s my email:

Hi, my name is Justin Mancini.  I filled out the form for the free snuggie quite some time ago, and have not received it.  I gave the link to some friends and they have not received their free snuggies either.  Please let me know what’s going on with the free snuggies, because I’d like to have my free snuggie for Christmas morning.

Normally I wear a robe on Christmas morning, but this year it would be much nicer to be wearing my free snuggie while I’m taking pictures of my niece and nephew.  My niece is 4 and my nephew is 2.  Taking the pictures of them opening presents while wearing a robe is often awkward as I tend to have trouble moving my arms because I’m obviously sitting on the robe, prohibiting arm movement.  If I had my free snuggie, this wouldn’t be the case.

Please let me know what’s going on with our free snuggies.  I appreciate your haste and understanding that this should be a top-priority issue.  Merry Christmas, and happy new year!

-Justin Mancini.

I’m sure they will now see what a great customer I am for referring multiple friends to order a free Snuggie.  After all, we’re helping them out by filling out their marketing survey – but how are we supposed to help them out if we do not receive our free Snuggies?  They’re putting us in a tough position here.

I will update you all when I hear back from them.